Why Can’t I Put My Clothes Away? (It’s Literally Summertime)

Happy Pride month my babies <3 If this is your first Pride being out, I wish you the most magical month (not that being out is necessary or even needs to be a big thing, but it still can be an important thing to you but whatever I don’t need to get into it, you get it you get it). I love you all so much and I wish you the most gorgeous month (: Shoutout to my fellow bi girls with straight boyfriends iykyk.

For months, I’ve been hyping up summer for myself. I was so future-centered, saying things like “Chicago summer will heal us all,” and “Best months of the year and we have been SO patient,” and “I’ll feel better once it’s summertime.” I’ve gotten so used to LOOKING FORWARD that I’m having a hard time pulling myself out of that mindset and BEING PRESENT. Because hey, it’s literally June and I keep forgetting that simple fact. I need to start going full summer mode, like, right now.

This predicament reminds me of the endless struggle I face with my laundry routine. I actually enjoy doing laundry (yes I have in-unit okay) but I cannot for the LIFE of me actually put my clothes away. They just stay on my daybed. I think to myself, I might as well just leave them here, I’m going to wear them all and then throw them in my dirty bin this week anyway and then repeat the cycle. So this is how my daybed has become my unofficial closet. But then I can’t even USE my daybed for it’s intended purpose — reading and napping on company time while I WFH. I am so focused on the idea that I’m going to EVENTUALLY need these clothes again in the FUTURE, that I am denying myself the pleasure of using my daybed in the PRESENT.

I am going to need to dedicate more time out of my day to reminding myself that THIS is the summer. THIS is the time that I have been looking forward to. This moment right now. All of the delayed gratification can be cashed in IMMEDIATELY. The sun is shining, the cicadas aren’t even in my neighborhood yet, and it’s Pride month for Christ’s sake.

But you know what? I DID put my clothes away today. Was it because my mom is coming over and she needs to sleep on the daybed? Yes, but I am going to take this win and celebrate by hopefully going to Old Navy with my mom (to get new clothes for the SUMMER of course). Will the new clothes end up on the daybed? Probably, almost certainly. But I will force myself to enjoy the act of putting them away, in my REAL closet, so I can do what I SHOULD be doing as a 26-year-old woman in Chicago — reading and napping on company time on my IKEA daybed.