Artifacts of Womanhood & Props of Everyday Life: A Discussion About Tote Bags
Anatomy of a Fall -
The Academy Awards were this weekend. They were great. Most notably, Justine Triet won an Oscar for her absolutely stunning screenplay for the film Anatomy of a Fall (Figure 1). That movie… is one of the best movies I have ever seen. I had the pleasure of seeing it at the Logan Theater with my very own best actress in a leading role, Julia. And we were GAGGED. Let me tell you - this film completely wraps you up, takes you into it’s home, and honestly, I haven’t left. I am still there. Sandra Hüller says hello, by the way. If you haven’t gotten a chance to see it yet, you can rent it on Amazon Prime, and I highly recommend you do. Some of what I am about to share are minor spoilers, so please proceed with caution (click here for the IMDb synopsis).
First of all, I’m completely obsessed with looking at AOAF through a feminist lens. I’m still unpacking it all myself, but I think there’s so much to be said about the dynamics of a couple and the labor that is divided between two people in a marriage. The most quoted section of the film comes from an argument between Sandra Hüller’s character and her husband (who is found dead in the beginning of the film). When he accuses her of being the reason why he has no time to dedicate to his career in writing, she says:
“You complain about a life that YOU chose. You are not a victim. Not at all. Your generosity conceals something dirtier and meaner. You're incapable of facing your ambitions and you resent me for it, but I'm not the one who put you where you are. I had nothing to do with it! You're not sacrificing yourself as you say. You choose to sit on the sidelines because you're afraid! Your pride makes your head explode before you can even come up with a germ of an idea! You wake up at 40 needing someone to blame. You're the one to blame! You're petrified by your own fucking standards and your fear of failure! This is the truth!”
(Triet, 2023).
Like, holy shit. Talk about the blueprint for advocating for yourself in interpersonal relationships! Okay, you caught me. Actually, what I really want to talk about is this:
https://twitter.com/roomforletters/status/1765030181884887093?s=46&t=MCSLF-qHrpPVwWTm1tyjRQ
I have been thinking about this tote bag every day since I saw it on Twitter.
Not only is it iconic as hell, it has the sensational line on the other side that reads, “I’m innocent, you know that right?” The sexy lawyer in this scene responds to her by saying, “that is not the point." Like, UGH! How wild is that? This movie really plays around with the idea that the truth and the stories we tell ourselves are almost never the same thing - and that pursuit to determine the relationship between the truth and our own stories may be our downfall or salvation.
ANYWAY, this tote bag is expensive, I know, retailing for $46 USD. But does it make me want it any less? Okay, a little bit, BUT I STILL WANT IT. But why? I have plenty of totes at home. This movie is nothing short of life changing, but do I need a sack of canvas with the title on it to make me happy? This got me thinking about the role of totes in my experience of womanhood.
The Desire for Totes (Endless) -
Among other things, tote bags can represent cities you’ve visited, your favorite bands, a brewery you enjoy, the causes you support, etc. Aside from clothing, there aren’t many opportunities for your accessories to have written language or symbols on display for the world to see. In short, tote bags are an expression of identity.
As the critically acclaimed band MUNA once said in their #1 smash hit Silk Chiffon: “bag on my side cause I’m out til dawn” (Gavin et al., 2021). When I leave the house, I like to know that I have a tote that is chalk full of items that I could potentially need on my excursion: keys, wallet, water bottle, bluetooth headphones, book, pouch that holds all my lip balms and other random makeup products, tissues, Advil, fruit snacks, wire headphones in case my bluetooth headphones run out of battery, hand lotion, hanky to clean my glasses, spare contact lens in case I’m wearing contacts, and an extra tote in case I go to the grocery.
I feel a sense of comfort and ease as I move through the world when I have my trusty tote bag with me. My totes, like my cell phone, have become extensions of myself. I rarely walk out the door without one. The thing about totes is, you don’t really need a lot of them to make your life comfortable. As long as you have a few handy, you should be good to go. So why oh why do I have this endless craving of acquiring more tote bags? Why do I stop on the sidewalk to see what that cute girl’s tote bag says? (Answer: so I can see if I can look it up online later and copy her). Why do I always hope that every tourist attraction I visit has an aesthetically pleasing tote bag in the gift shop?
Is it my endless desire to feel connected to the fashionable it-girls I see on Pinterest? Is it my deep-seeded need to seem cool to strangers as I am going from point A to point B? It can’t be about saving the environment, because then I wouldn’t have so many (I’m not even going to tell you, but it’s a lot).
If I had to reckon a guess, I would say it’s probably most related to my never-ending quest to seem as cool as possible at all times, and my own definition of cool always includes a tote bag. Ideally, a tote bag from a trendy bookstore, city, or foreign grocery store. But I also think it’s about satisfying my anxieties that arise when I need to leave the comfort of my home. When I’m out and about, my tote bag is like my travel-sized home. In the movie of my life, my tote bag is my most essential prop. And it holds many other essential props as well. I have everything I could need. I feel safe, protected, and most of all, cool. Bored on the train? Don’t worry, I’ve got my book inside my bag. Thirsty on my walk to work? Don’t fret - I’ve got my water bottle right here. Stopping by the store on my way home? Good thing I have this tote inside my tote!
I don’t know precisely what it is, but I also feel something so uniquely feminine about strutting around with a tote bag. It’s like, whenever I see a woman with a good ass tote, I’m like, “damn, that girl got it allllll figured out and she’s got a sick tote on her arm to prove it.” Somehow… one of my favorite props of gender expression has become, well, a goddamned tote bag.
Back to Anatomy of a Fall -
One of my favorite moments in AOAF comes from the scene when Daniel (the son) and Marge (court-appointed caretaker of Daniel) are talking about grappling with certainty in the face of a wildly uncertain situation (like your mom potentially pushing your dad out of a window to his death). Marge says that when you are faced with such a difficult situation, in which you do not know what happened or why something happened, you simply choose to what to believe. Daniel asks to clarify - do you need to pretend? Her reply — no, you just decide.
I have decided to allow myself this simple pleasure — the pleasure of packing my favorite tote bags with my precious belongings, and feeling as cool as a please while I do it. And I wish you the same feeling. There is no need to pretend. Do you need to expand your tote collection? Well, I have the PERFECT tote in mind for you!! (Figure 7).
(Massive thank you to my roommate of almost 5 years, who is also my boyfriend of almost 9 years, for always being so patient with and welcoming of our ever-growing tote bag family).
