volume 7

The Only List You Need for Names Inspired by Chicago — for pets and/or humans (Figure 1)  

1. Clark — obviously

2. Madison — because the street numbers start at State/Madison, so Madison is low-key the blueprint

3. Navy — like the pier

4. Lincoln — also an Illinois slay

5. Park — Lincoln’s identical twin

6. Damen — suits a little trouble maker who is always in everyone’s business

7. River — perfect for someone who is beautiful but needs to be controlled (see Chicago’s history on the River’s direction of travel)  

8. Loop — it gets cuter the more you think about it

9. Bean — their legal name is Cloud Gate but nobody calls them that unless they’re in trouble

10. Malört — for anyone who’s an acquired taste, nickname is Mal